Uselessness

I was at Chloe's Coffee spending time with my friend Sarah, who was working there. While she was doing dishes and serving customers, I had some random thoughts that I developed by sending myself a super long email from my Blackberry. Here's what I typed up with my thumbs...

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I think I am useless because I have less time, less energy, and am not the person I was.

TIME
God has given me all the time I need to do His will. I just need to steward. Am I stewarding well? I think one of my "I have no time because I'm always sleeping" causes is useless pursuits. I have less time, yes. So its all the more precious. Am I using it to pursue Christ, or wasting it? Lord, teach me to number my hours that I may use them wisely, for the only thing that remains.

LESS ENERGY
God provides strength for everything He calls me to. But a big issue is seperating sickness from laziness. I think it could really help me to get myself in a more managable pattern so I can discern the sickness excuse. For example, go to bed soon enough that I don't need to snooze. And then get in a pattern of not using the snooze button. Making a manegable task list, and then be faithful to follow through. Be aware of limitations, but don't focus too much on feelings.

MIND/PERSONALITY
I feel like I'm not myself. New energy, or lack thereof. No goals - little and tired ones. New concentration - a poor one. I forget things, space out, don't care about things that used to excite me. I am the person God wants me to be to do His purpose now. If I'm less dominant and energetic then Gods work for me now must require something else.

If I'm this way for the rest of my days, I'm not useless. I'm used differently.

Unless the Lord builds the house, the workers labor in vain.

Its Gods plan that's unstoppable and best. Not mine.

(the following are snippets from different sovereign grace songs.)

Come Holy Spirit
We lay down our lives
To gather in the harvest
Won by Jesus Christ.

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Your glorious cause oh God
Engages our hearts
May Jesus Christ be known
WHEREVER we are

We ask not for ourselves
But for your renown
Your cross has saved us
SO we pray
Your kingdom come