paper boquet

http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/diy-wedding-challenge-2010-paper-flower-bouquets

I want a tattoo there.

oh deer
Originally uploaded by sadie w. harris

I want a tattoo in this spot. love love love. Maybe not a deer antler, but a flower, or a butterfly or a small heart..

Your great Burden Bearer

Saw this on Megan Russel's blog.

“it is a heavy burden, roll it on Omnipotence.
it is your burden now, and it crushes you;
but when the Lord takes it He will make nothing of it.
if you are still called to bear it,
‘He will sustain you.’
it will be on you, and not on you."

--
Charles Spurgeon
Check Book of the Bank of Faith, July 14th.

Elizabeth Prentiss Quote

God never places us in any position in which we can not grow. We may fancy that he does. We may fear we are so impeded by fretting, petty cares that we are gaining nothing; but when we are not sending any branches upward, we may be sending roots downward.

gluten.

I might have figured out the cause behind my "lyme headaches." These are very different from the typical tension headaches I've had all my life. These are a fuzz in the front of my head and are accompanied by feelings of nausea. I got them especially every time I ate. Thought it was because of the lyme. I hope I'm wrong, but I think they are triggered by eating gluten.

Today I had a burger, and 5 min later had a headache.

Later I had an ice cream. With a cone. Headache!

#1 reason i'm un-cool with this

i don't want to be "that girl" who is too frail to eat bread.

sorry gluten intolerant ppl, i don't mean this harshly.

i just always thought it'd be lame of me to be gluten intolerant. ironic.

#2 reason i'm un-cool with this

beer

comforting thoughts

1. i can still eat ice cream

2. i can still eat fro-yo

3. i can still have sushi

::UPDATE::
In September 2010, I figured out that I was also casein-intolerant. So much for being able to have fro-yo and ice cream. :p :)

10 things Re: Fall Semester that I am excited about.

(something to try to get my to be okay with the idea of going back to school. right now working through depression, this is a big scary idea.) ;-)

1. Being with the roomies.

2. The new houseplants Joanna and I purchased in New Jersey.

3. The food co-op at Maryland.

4. Being 5 minutes away from Yogiberry and bubble tea (!!).

5. Routine.

6. College friends.

7. Having all my own food again.

8. The gym at school.

9. TBD

10. TBD :-)

Resolutions.

1. I resolve to quit EWB and never return.

2. I resolve to keep my room clean.

3. I resolve to keep my basil plant alive.

4. I resolve to have study parties with Gloria.

5. I resolve to have more study time in Joanna's piano practice rooms while she plays.

6. I resolve to drink lots of bubble tea.

7. I resolve to drop a class if I don't laugh for a month like Spring'10. :P

another fav song.

have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air

have you ever looked fear in the face and said i just don't care.

//

pink "glitter in the air"

Rainbow cake roundup.

Cake #1:
via: Oh Happy Day
more photos: facebook album

Cake #2
http://whisk-kid.blogspot.com/2009/08/say-it-with-cake.html

Cake #3
via:springcart.typepad.com

lyme / fall semester

Yesterday, Joanna and I went to a friend's flower shop here in New Jersey. We selected plants to put in our house at school when we move back in this Fall. And I thought about having the plants there with us, and for the first time I was happy about the idea of going back there.

It is lame that plants are my source of happiness, plants and the idea of cooking with the basil plant we bought, but it worked. In this season, it is really easy try to keep myself afloat by little things that will make me happy: buying stuff, plants, cooking, pretty colors. I need to find the balance between not having these things shroud my love for my Creator, but at the same time, taking advantage of the God given reality that His wonderful creations bring joy.

It's an awful big world and awful scary life.

Every day, year, good and bad decision.

I'll never get any of it back.

It could be spectacular,

it could be horrific.

But I have a calling and a hope that is unshaken.

No matter what this life holds,

I am called to walk this road aiming to glorify Christ.

And I have the hope of heaven, eternity.

I think we're meant to be scared by the passing of time, so uncontrollable. I believe we're meant to be scared by anything less than eternity.

I think I think too much.

Some people try to face this world by declaring massive optimism and embracing whatever may come .

I don't think that's enough.

But God is enough.

Because it's what we were made for.

Nothing else fixes things.

diligence.

Great article by Mark Altrogge on diligence.

Depression.

Now that I'm better, things look different, but my sinful nature remains. I still have to make a conscious decision to pursue God, to have Him as the source of my joy, to remember Him through my day.

--

While I couldn't just make myself feel happy, reminding myself of key truths had a big impact on my mind. For example, thinking through how God has proven His love by the cross, or how people throughout all time have relied on Him and not been let down, inspired me to be diligent and do the tasks He had called me to even when I didn't feel like moving.

--

Depression is not an excuse to sin, but can definitely have chemical causes. Switching medicine cleared up the problem for me, but if I had the same symptoms for an extended period of time in future, I would strongly consider getting medicine to help.

--

God walks with us through every season He calls us through.

new lyme meds + feeling better :-)

I switched to amoxicillin Sunday night - one of the best decisions of my year. I had been on doxycycline for 6 weeks, ever since the day I was diagnosed (May 19th) with lyme.

MY LIFE IS NO LONGER A BIG BLACK ABYSS OF SCARY NOTHINGNESS.

aka - my depression wasn't caused by lyme, it was a side affect of the doxycycline.

I didn't know this, because I associated all the symptoms together since I've been on the meds for so long.

So many times I was confused about the depression. I didn't know if I was making things up in my head, if I was causing it. However, now that I am on the amoxicillin it's like night and day. I'll try to explain it, I hope this isn't weird, haha.

Now that I'm "normal" it's not like I'm bursting with happiness all the time. It's normal. I now remember this being how I feel all the time, all my life. It's like you're a buoy floating in the water. There are down moments and up moments, but you bounce back to a happy norm. On the meds, it was like I was drowning. I would sometimes get up to the surface for a breath of fresh air, but it lasted for a moment and then I was underwater again. Weird metaphor, but it's all I can think of to describe the difference.

Anyways, it's WONDERFUL.

Unexpected, weird, sudden, I'm hoping it's here to stay, but regardless

I LOVE IT. And I'm so grateful.

today

today was hard.

looked in a mirror partway through and i looked like a raccoon with huge dark circles. not even kidding. and i spent most of the day on the verge of tears. which was fun because i worked at the receptionist desk at my church all day. fortunately, nothing tipped me over the edge. i didn't cry at all until now as i type all this, which is fine because i'm alone eating a potato. :-)

today was good.

i was reminded of God's nearness and care.

i laughed at things.

i was reminded that God has a plan to use me.

the other day i was talking to someone and they said they had an impression that the Lord would use me in a certain way. the biggest surprise to me was the idea that God was going to use me in a specific way one day. that He could use me. the biggest thing right now is just huge inadequacy and just massive difficulty in getting through each day. it's incredibly comforting and happy to think that in time i will help, serve and minister to others again. i guess i did last week with all the kiddos at the camp, but it was so indirect.

aaand now i'm crying more.

wanting to just know when this will end, that it will end.

someday, sometime. i will get my life back.

reminded that i find, should find, my life, hope, and identity in Christ.

and that if I do, it can't be shaken. ever.

need to work on that. :-)

--

“God often helps when there is least hope, and saves His people in that way which they think will destroy. There is never a providence of God, but has either a mercy or a wonder in it. How stupendous and infinite is that wisdom, that makes the most adverse dispensations work for the good of His children.

thomas watson